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One reason why some people love dogs so much?

Dogs answer the four questions with a big, “Yes!” near constantly. Those furry little spiritual masters are always in the present and the quality of their connection is always heightened – so is the level of connection they emit.

Unlike our K-9 counterparts, we regularly slip out of the present moment and go somewhere else. In an earlier post, What We Say in Silencewe identify what those 4 questions are:

The Four Critical Questions:

Do you see me?

Do you care that I’m here?

Am I enough for you, or do you need me to be better in some way?

Can I tell I’m special to you by the way you look at me?

It at least makes more sense when we evade the present moment during ostensibly mundane activities, like an unnecessary meeting, doing laundry, our commute, etc. But invariably, the habit of not being present spills over into the moments we really mean to be present for, such as:

  • The love of your life walks into the room before bed and you barely look up from your phone.

  • You meet your best friend for brunch and go through the motions of ‘the hug’, the ‘you look so cute’ and the ‘it took forever to get here!’ without actually feeling much. Insert superficial BS here!

  • You’re tying your daughter’s shoe and when you’re done, you get up to reach for her packed lunch and hand it to her while you’re simultaneously grabbing your bag and keys, all without ever looking at her. WTF!

We all do this. We blaze through darling moments every single day. We are so disconnected! We’ve lost so much that when it’s gone, we never realized what we had to begin with.

Sometimes we don’t really remember much about our week because we just weren’t fully there.

But how do we answer these questions constantly?

How then, Do We Answer the Questions?

I’m not encouraging intense stare downs with every single human you encounter, but what I do hear so often in my work is this:

She’s looking at me, but it’s like she’s looking past me.

I know he cares and I objectively know he loves me more than anything, but he’s so checked out.

I just want to shake her sometimes like, wake up!

If you see someone, let them know you see them. Slow down, and though it feels strange to write because it’s so simple:

take a second to actually look at the person.

Just one extra second. Literally. And certainly, if you love someone, show some love, please! Literally. Let the love you feel show on your face, in your eyes and in your quality of presence.

Slowing down and taking the one extra second is how we are called to connect.

Communicating simply and powerfully begins by showing up first, by being the message second and by coming alongside someone. Scott Spector is Founder and Managing Partner of Brookestone Associates, an organizational develop and culture influencing organization.

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