It’s the incredibly simple part of the human experience that’s continually getting lost in the modern rush. Taking the one extra second is the kind of quality that shapes your mood for the better after a bad day, bad week, or bad everything. It’s the secret behind the people we find so charming. It’s what the best leaders do – helping people feel seen, acknowledged and valued will totally shift your life.

We can all get by without connection, at least for a little while, but if we really want to thrive, if we really want abundance where that pendulum swings back into our favor, then we must connect to each other.

Connection is not based on how much time we spend with someone or what we do with them, connection is always based on the quality of our presence.

This is why we fall in love with people who make us feel alive, because on some level, we’re all desperate to be more present. Being present doesn’t require meditation, deep breaths, or anything like that. It’s a split-second decision – “Ok, I’m here, now.”

It’s not a decision you make in the morning and then never have to think about again, it’s a decision you make over and over and over again throughout the day. Oops, wandered away from the present moment? No problem. The return flight is one second long.

The four questions are impossible for you to answer unless you’re present. You remember those 4 questions, right?

The Four Critical Questions:

Do you see me?

Do you care that I’m here?

Am I enough for you, or do you need me to be better in some way?

Can I tell I’m special to you by the way you look at me?

Would you like to catch the first two articles on this topic of connection? One is Why My Dog Loves Me More Than You and What We Say In Silence is the other.  If you’re interested in experimenting with this idea of people are always asking these four questions, then for one week, use an image of the number ‘4’ as the wallpaper on your phone. Let the number be a cue to help you remember to answer the questions, not out loud, but on your face, in your touch, in your eyes, with the quality of your presence.

Taking the one extra second doesn’t have to be constant to be successful, i.e. to have an impact on the quality of your connection to yourself and others.

Scott Spector is Founder and Managing Partner of Brookestone Associates, an organizational development and culture influencing organization. Communicating simply and powerfully begins by showing up and being the message. 

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